Anonymous asked: I should have said, "I'm back with another question." I am trying to convince a friend to wait until she has a boyfriend before getting a second cat. Is that good advice?
hmm. as with all advice, it really depends on the type of person your friend is, but in general i do not think this is good advice. some things to consider:
1. “wait until you have a boyfriend” is problematic and not far off from “wait til you get a husband” both of which imply that her life is somehow not complete until she finds a man to love her and that all other needs should be put aside until the most important need (a boyfriend!) is locked in. further, this also implies that being herself (a 2-cat lady) makes her unlovable, AND that she should somehow hide her personality and desires or put-off doing something that makes her happy until after she “hooks a man.”
2. While it’s true that some men may not be interested in dating a woman with 2 cats (i won’t date a guy who owns birds, so i get it!), a guy who would be a good boyfriend for her will like her the way she is, with 2 cats, a kid, a crazy ex, a shitty family, etc. these are all things that, while inconvenient or unpleasant to some, are part of a person’s life and that someone who loves said person will learn to accept (or not accept and move on - as the case may be).
3. following the logic of your advice, say she stays with her one cat, finds a boyfriend, then what? what if they discuss it and he vehemently disagrees so her choice is then to either get a second cat despite his objections or just give up on her desire because he doesn’t agree? what if she gets the cat anyway and he hates that she did that because he already wasn’t that into the first cat? or what if later he refuses to move in with her and her two cats and they break up over this?
honestly, i don’t think basing your life choices or postponing things you enjoy based on some possible future imaginary person is a good way to do things. instead, encourage her to do what makes her happy, but remind her that a second cat will make her apartment smellier, may make it difficult to find roommates and apartments in the future, or to find someone to care for them so she can go on vacations, and so on. you might also consider asking her why she wants a second cat. maybe she is lonely or just needs to fill up her time with something motivating and enjoyable. suggest some new hobbies or trips to go on, recommend a book, maybe even set her up on a date or just introduce her to some new people. no need to go straight to the old “you’ll be an old maid at this rate!” line.
Anonymous asked: I enjoyed your Michael Sherman answer. How did you get so smart?
thank you. i’m glad you enjoy some of my silly internet musings.
as for your question (thank you, again), i think it’s probably not so much that i am smart as the fact that chubby nerd + unstable childhood manifested as curiosity regarding the behavior of people around me and our/my place in the world.
also, i discovered i loved reading in third grade when my mom (whose first language is not english) bought me a romance novel at the supermarket (i explored further after that).